


Let the Force take it all

by vxlkyrie7



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Clone Wars, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23148238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vxlkyrie7/pseuds/vxlkyrie7
Summary: No matter how long he meditated for or desperately tried to shut it away the image of Satine dying in his arms haunted his every waking moment.Set after S5 E16basically obi-wan dealing with the aftermath of lawless
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Let the Force take it all

No matter how long he meditated for or desperately tried to shut it away the image of Satine dying in his arms haunted his every waking moment. She was gone and the only person to blame was himself. Beaten down, but never broken, she begged for him to help her and he could not save her. Despite all his power, all his brilliance he could not keep her alive.

(the pain seeps slowly into his heart as he finds it hard to breath. 'let the force take it.' he tries to fight it, but it is too strong to bare.)

The moment she was so cruelly taken from him is forever carved in his memory. He can not forget the pain flashing in her eyes as all light escaped them. The warm touch of her hand against his cheek moments before it fell limp into his. One last brush of his lips over her knuckles, his last farewell to the woman he had loved for so very long. Her chaste confession that once again came far too late. Left to linger as his usually brilliant tongue was tied in a knot unable to muster a single word. So not even in her death could he admit, as plainly as she could, as she had done before, his feelings for her. To let her hear it at least once before she goes.

There had been moments better suited for such a confession, yet he never found it in himself to go through with it. Always rather biting his own tongue then letting the words slip. If the words were never spoken aloud, he thought he could be able to forget her and she would surely do the same with him. Years later when their paths crossed again and he was proved terribly wrong, it had been far too late. Perhaps he would have said it once the war ended. When he would be free to commit to her in the way she deserved.

She knew, of course, from the first tender moment. Though he owed her that much at least. To swallow his Jedi pride and say it. Even if nothing will come out of it as her last breath is only mere moments away. Even if perhaps nothing could have ever come from it as they were both destined to take different paths. It would have eased his mind to know he had said it at least once.

('let the force take it.' he repeats as a desperate attempt to regain his focus, but it is all in vain as there is nothing that could numb the sting between his ribs.)

It goes too far. He remembers the time shortly after his Master died. The first of many tastes of true pain. Not the fleeting kind of physical pain that could be mend ever so easily. These wounds cut deeper and their scars never quite heal. Even once they are healed it takes only a carefully picked memory to unstitch them yet again, the pain flooding in all anew.

('let the force take it.' echoes through his mind over the memories he had long abandoned.)

Of course, back then he had his Master's last wish to carry out. He began to teach Anakin and through him he found comfort in his grief. He sympathised with the boy, neither of them really had anyone else. If you put aside the Jedi Order, that is a bitter excuse for a family, they were on their own for the first time ever. Anakin had left his mother on Tatooine, possibly never to see her again and Obi-Wan had lost his mentor, his Master. They were both united in their loss. Growing more and more fond of his young apprentice the pain slowly faded away.

However hard he tries there seems to be nothing that could drag him out of his drowning sorrow. No last wishes to carry out. Only a war left to fight...

(his stomach knots tightly thinking of the war. each time he fights, he finds it harder to muster the strength to. the exhaustion aches in his bones, yet he can not give up. 'let the force take it.')

When it finally hits him, he is surprised it took him this long to see it. The war. It was all his beloved stood against. All she despised from the depths of her heart. And he needed to put an end to it. From Satine's point of view fighting battles could not possibly help win any war. When you commit to fighting you surrender all hope for a peaceful solution. Each battle committing you to violence, taking you further from peace.

Though he thought Satine was a brilliant woman she was a pacifist at heart. When they first met, he could never agree with her, but he understood her ways and respected them. Years later he still can not agree with her, but when it comes to this, he stands with her - the war must end. As soon as possible. He was already tired of fighting, worn out by years of war and so was the whole Galaxy.

So he will gather all the strength that is left in him to put an end to this forsaken war. He will honor her memory by doing what she would have wanted him to, while never forgetting her last promise to him.

Those last words are the only thing he wants to hold on to. Carved in his memory just like the horrid moment itself. Everything else.. the crushing pain overwhelming him, the sharp edge of loss biting at his heart, the regret leaving him to think of what could have happened only if things have been a bit different, the anger clouding his thoughts..

('let the force take it all.')


End file.
